Saying Goodbye when you are far away....

My Aunt passed away. She battled cancer of the brain right to the end and her husband, children and grandchildren will miss her greatly.

I'm dealing with mixed emotions today. I feel the tears build up and then they recede a little knowing that She is in a much better place today. I feel the tears build up thinking about her immediate family, knowing how much they will miss her warm smile, her great laugh and her always warm hug and then they recede a little knowing that they wouldn't want her to be in pain anymore and they will always have her memory in their hearts. I feel the tears build up for my Mom knowing that she will miss her for all the reasons that you miss a big sister...even if the age difference is so significant that she felt more like a Mom at times and then they recede a little knowing that she too has happy memories of her youth, their friendship and the many vacations and holidays that were spent together.

When I was a little girl I spent a lot of time visiting with Ma Tante Therese, Mon Oncle Ti-Blanc and their children. She was among my favorite aunts and as a child I was very discerning! Okay, so I wasn't that discerning. My method of determining how much I liked an aunt or uncle was based on how much attention they showered on me.

Ma Tante Therese showered alot of attention on me when I visited. Ma Tante Therese had only boys and I think she enjoyed being given the opportunity to shower some attention on a little girl who missed her Mom! After all I was the only daughter to her youngest sister.....and frankly that made me special! Or at least I like to think it made me special..... Those summer's I spent in Northern Ontario were a special time in my life. They became the basis for everything I knew I wanted for my future family. A big happy family that spent time together laughing and enjoying one another's company. I was young and an outsider. It was summer and I think just the fact that there was no snow made everyone happier than normal!

They were special times and Ma Tante Therese was a special lady. Today I will cry and then the tears will recede because I will keep her memory and all that she meant to me forever tucked away in my heart.

Salut Ma Tante Therese, je t'aime beaucoups! Merci pour tout!!!

This is the year....the 45th year!

This week my 45th birthday came and went.

Honestly, I've never been one to place a lot of emphasis on birthdays. I guess I've always thought that it's a personal thing and once you've passed the single digit birthdays and the teen ones it's time to use each birthday as a time to set goals or mourn....your choice. For myself, I've done both.

When I turned 30, I mourned. I mourned my youth, my dreams of living childless in a loft in Toronto with all white furniture and a pair of cute "Royale" kittens to keep me company at home and my chic successful executive co-workers that would share my life when I was not home with the kitties. The reality in my life when I was 30.....single mom to 3 beautiful daughters, in a shitty paying job with little more than a pot to piss in and the truth....I WOULD NOT CHANGE IT FOR ANYTHING! I don't really know why I cried that day but I did. I continued to cry for a few days.

When I turned 35, I became daring. I celebrated that birthday by getting a Tattoo. A tattoo of "Pooh" on my butt. The year that proceeded 35 was a good one. I agreed to marry my best friend that year and spent it preparing for my wonderful white wedding. My career took a turn to improvement. I made peace with who I had grown up to be.

Since that 35th birthday, the celebrations have been laid back and most have passed with little more than a birthday dinner and small presents from hubby and kids. Lots of hugs and lots of kisses. Many birthday greetings from friends.

At 45, I look back and thank GOD that my life turned out the way it did. My three kids, the trials and tribulations of raising them as a single parent, my marriage to the wonderful man I call Husband and Friend, my wonderful friendships, even the health issues that I've had, have been fulfilling and I know today that the "unachieved dream" I cried over on my 30th birthday would never have brought the happiness and fulfillment that I now have.

I look forward to what the future brings and smile when I look back at what my life has given me.

In the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson,

"Live well,
Learn plenty,
Laugh often,
Love much."

Miss Me, But Let Me Go

Miss Me, But Let Me Go
Author Unknown

When I come to the end of the road,
and the sun has set for me.
I want no rites in a gloom-filled room.
Why cry for a soul set free?
Miss me a little—but not too long,
and not with your head bowed low.
Remember the love that was once shared.
Miss me, but let me go.

For this is a journey we all must take, and each must go alone.
It’s all a part of the master’s plan, a step on the road to home.
When you are lonely and sick of heart, go to the friends we know.
Bear your sorrow in good deeds. Miss me, but let me go.

Early this morning the world lost a wonderful kind man and my best friend Colleen lost her Dad. It's a very sad time for her and her family.

It's a very sad time for us, as Colleen's friends, to find ways to help her find the strength to remember the good times and know that her Dad is always looking down on her and her family.

Always in our thoughts and prayers!

We love you Colleen!