Friday, May 03, 2013

Life's Mysterious turns......

It's May 2013.  I turned 50 in March.   My eldest turned 31 in April and announced that she is pregnant with grand baby number 2!!  My middle daughter will turn 30 in a few days.  All of these things have transpired and I have managed to maintain my composure about turning 50.

On April 10th I got hit with the biggest change I have ever faced!  At 10 am on that morning I found myself unemployed after 13 years with the same company.  Not only did they tell me that they had to let me go they actually waited while I packed up my desk, took my keys and passkey and then walked me to the door.  I took my stuff and went home. 

Now don't get me wrong, they were fair in the severance package that they gave me and we'll be okay for a bit but here is my dilemma....

50 years old
no university education
and last but not least......I don't really know what I want to do with this next stage of my career.

I realize that I am defined by what I am.

I am a Mother
I am a Grandmother
I am a Wife
I am a Friend

I am unemployed!

I realize as I sit with Head Hunters, Directors of Human Resources; as I try and explain what I did for 20 years in my industry that maybe what I did is not what I want to do with the rest of my career.  But what  do I want to do?  It's been 20 years since I had to seriously consider what was in my resume.  Creating two pages that will speak to the many accomplishments that I have had in the last 20 years is not easy.  It is not easy to write in accomplishments!  We are taught that we let those accomplishments speak for themselves.  We don't spew about ourselves that is bold and unattractive.  I could easily go on about my biggest offspring!  I could go on for days!  Their accomplishments somehow feel like mine, like I had something to do with it just by being their mother.  I could go on about the awesome husband I I picked him out of the world to be mine...never mind I did do that!  I could go on about being a friend...but that is not all about me because most of my friends are amazing and I am honoured that they choose to continue to call me a friend!

I am unemployed but I realize that this should not define is not who or what I am!

It's is however, a truly humbling moment to submit resume after resume and not hear a single word....time to work on writing up those accomplishments....because truly there were many!  I am good at what I do and I'm sure that a door will open with a wonderful opportunity.  In the meantime I will treat this job search like a job and try and take some time off for good behaviour to enjoy the beautiful weather we are having!

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

50 is just a number after all.....isn't it?

I am quickly approaching my 50th birthday.  To be honest, until this last year I never really gave much thought to what it would feel like to be 50 years old.

I know it's considered a special birthday because my children are quietly planning some kind of celebration that includes people outside of the family and this has never happened before.  Our birthdays generally are celebrated with our much loved family in the form of the birthday person's favorite meal and modest gifts. 

Another reason I know it's a special one is because I got an extra special card this year in the mail from my Mom and Dad.  Enclosed in it was a very lovely 2 page letter that actually brought tears to my eyes.  There on those two pages were words that made my heart swell.  This letter reminded me that I will always be a little girl that needs and loves to hear how proud her parents are of her for her accomplishments.  That letter did that for me... it was pretty extensive in things that I could be proud of!  Things like my beautiful daughters and how well they have turned out (I had a part in that), in my wonderful loving husband that is truly my soulmate (he wouldn't admit it....but us being together..that was all my doing as well!), my grandson (I didn't really have anything to do with him except having his mom but he's so cute...we'll call him my achievement!) my successes in my work (all me!) and my friends (I can't take all the credit here cause some of them chose me!)   Put on paper it all reads like a really nice epitaph! LOL! 

So here, 6 days before my 50th birthday and hopefully continued into the future,  I have chosen to share with the world my hopes and fears for my future as a 1/2 centurian.   I want to reinforce in my life things like the importance of absorbing and treasuring moments in life, to be grateful for mistakes and flops because I think they often teach us more than our successes, to always share more, do more and love more. I will use this format to share my stories knowing that maybe nobody will read them and I'm okay with that!

So here is the first fear!!

I have a big fear that I will wake up next Tueday with 50 Penquins or some such thing on my front snowy yard and everyone in the neighbourhood will know the truth...that I am getting old.  I know...nobody really cares..... because nobody gets younger, getting old is in fact a fate that is shared by all!

Enough about fears...

It's thought that women in their 50's tend to be more confident and less concerned about what others think about them.  I hope that is true.  I could use some confidence. My hope will be that I always feel younger on the inside then I look on the outside.  Don't get me wrong...I also wish that I will always look younger on the outside than my birth certificate says I am!  Really though, I'm just saying... I hope I keep a firm spirit of integrity and work on growing the gift of forgiving.  I hope I always remember how to laugh and keep a sense of adventure and joy in living, even when things get hard. And above all, I pray that I never stray from the direction of doing good, and that I remember to swallow my pride and forgive, and finally that I always remember that a life without gratitude is an empty one.

50 is just a number....a pretty good number I think!

Thursday, February 21, 2013

a little white paper can mean so much

I generally consider myself a nice person.  I don't usually wish harm on people, but if you cause me or my family harm...LOOK OUT! 

Now that I have qualified that I will share with you why I have been doing the happy dance since last Friday. 

I hated my neighbours.  I called them the neighbours from hell and I wished them gone 6 months after they moved in 12 years ago.  Over the years they had no respect for anyone in the Hood and seriously everyone in a one mile radius felt the same!   They started to party on Wednesday and partied until Sunday.  The music would blare and the addition of copious amounts of  alcohol and rude teenagers made them the most hated!  You must understand that this couple hated each other and with the addition of case upon case of beer and bottle upon bottle of whatever alcohol they drank the arguing got loud, ugly and heard all over the neighbourhood.

The year they bought the huge cottage in Muskoka was the best for us all!  They were away for most of the summer and we all got to enjoy our weekends!  They still partied and fought starting on Wednesday but somehow the fact that they packed it all in on Friday and went away just made it all that much more tolerable.  That was also the year that the toys started to appear, ATV's, a large fishing boat with all the gear, big ole snowblower....expensive toys.

The following year was not as quiet.  Apparently, the price of the toys and the cottage etc was kind of catching up and they decided that they would rent out their big ole cottage all summer and you can imagine what that meant to all of us....more parties, constant deliveries of alcohol and basic chaos again.

My wish for their financial ruin began that year!    In fact, I began to listen to their arguments with excitement, hoping that I would hear words like divorce, bankruptcy, repossession...words that would mean that things were coming to an end for them.  It didn't take long. 

After that summer the Muskoka cottage went up for sale, the boat and ATV's disappeared from the driveway.  Her Lincoln Escalade and his Ford 150 truck were replaced by a used van of some was the beginning of the end for them. 

Over the last year we had been hearing from various sources that things were financially not well with we wouldn't have guessed that....all the fights in the garage were about money (or lack thereof) and suddenly last fall the sign went up on the front lawn...FOR SALE! 

So you would think that would make me happy right....nope.  I apparently am a vindictive BITCH.  I giggled everyday that I passed that house and it didn't say sold, I inwardly cheered when I saw the moving van pull into the driveway to take them to a faraway place never to be seen again and the sign still said FOR SALE!  Then the sign went away and the snow fell and melted and fell again and then it happened.....

Last Friday, I drove by the house and there it was an official looking white paper taped on the front door.  Could it be possible that the bank has repossessed the house?  I can only imagine if things were out of control before they moved...with rent and bills to pay they probably weren't keeping up the mortgage on that property.... I am too chicken to walk up to the front door to see what it says so I'm just gonna go ahead and do the "Happy Dance" and hope that we have a very quiet spring ahead and that the next people that move in are civil human beings that we can welcome to the Hood!