Moments of Trepidation
I have been experiencing some true moments of trepidation!
Definition from Dictionary.com: trep·i·da·tion ( P ) Pronunciation Key (trp-dshn)n.
A state of alarm or dread; apprehension. See Synonyms at fear.
An involuntary trembling or quivering.
That's it....it can only be described as this. In recent months, I have been going to see my family doctor and numerous other specialists to determine what the f*ck is the matter with me! I've never thought of myself as old, but when I turned 40 the old gelatinous mass I call my body started to fall apart! I've seen the endocronologist to see if the old thyroid is working, hmmph..not so much k, give us a pill...the neurosurgeon to figure out why I have excrutiating pain in my ass and legs after falling like an imbecile down a flight of stairs with the laundry in tow...hmmm...two herniated disks...okay no surgery, will handle with physio and pain meds. So far so good. Pain all over, tired all the time, feel like a mack truck hit me...man it's constant..this leads my doctor to MRI's and various and sundry other tests. So what are we testing for? MS.
Multiple Sclerosis! My initial thought was numbness and that turned to fear and that led to further investigation of the disease and now since Ive had the MRI and other tests done the results are in and I have been summoned to the Doctor's office. RIGHT BACK TO FEAR! Why can't she just tell me the results. Maybe she wants to tell me it's all bad....but then maybe through all of this she want's to see the smile on this silly face when she tells me it's not that but some other none devastating life illness! I really don't get it, it's not fear for me but fear for my family and what this will do to them. The DD's will be constantly consumed with worry for their dear old Mama Dukes, the DH will be in overload consumed with how we will manage. The 'rent's will continue their quiet worry mode that they have always had for me..worry and let me know they love me but knowing that in the end there is little they can do.
This is my venting mode and truly I know that if the diagnosis is MS, I will deal with it and do what it takes to continue to live my life and with the love of all my family, friends and God. This too shall be okay!
So tomorrow is another day and Thursday will come quickly. I'll keep you posted.
Definition from Dictionary.com: trep·i·da·tion ( P ) Pronunciation Key (trp-dshn)n.
A state of alarm or dread; apprehension. See Synonyms at fear.
An involuntary trembling or quivering.
That's it....it can only be described as this. In recent months, I have been going to see my family doctor and numerous other specialists to determine what the f*ck is the matter with me! I've never thought of myself as old, but when I turned 40 the old gelatinous mass I call my body started to fall apart! I've seen the endocronologist to see if the old thyroid is working, hmmph..not so much k, give us a pill...the neurosurgeon to figure out why I have excrutiating pain in my ass and legs after falling like an imbecile down a flight of stairs with the laundry in tow...hmmm...two herniated disks...okay no surgery, will handle with physio and pain meds. So far so good. Pain all over, tired all the time, feel like a mack truck hit me...man it's constant..this leads my doctor to MRI's and various and sundry other tests. So what are we testing for? MS.
Multiple Sclerosis! My initial thought was numbness and that turned to fear and that led to further investigation of the disease and now since Ive had the MRI and other tests done the results are in and I have been summoned to the Doctor's office. RIGHT BACK TO FEAR! Why can't she just tell me the results. Maybe she wants to tell me it's all bad....but then maybe through all of this she want's to see the smile on this silly face when she tells me it's not that but some other none devastating life illness! I really don't get it, it's not fear for me but fear for my family and what this will do to them. The DD's will be constantly consumed with worry for their dear old Mama Dukes, the DH will be in overload consumed with how we will manage. The 'rent's will continue their quiet worry mode that they have always had for me..worry and let me know they love me but knowing that in the end there is little they can do.
This is my venting mode and truly I know that if the diagnosis is MS, I will deal with it and do what it takes to continue to live my life and with the love of all my family, friends and God. This too shall be okay!
So tomorrow is another day and Thursday will come quickly. I'll keep you posted.
posted by Anonymous at 1:19 pm
1 Comments:
I am sure that all will be well. It is in my expereince and that doctors just enjoy bringing people back into their offices. They create this, "no results will be given over the phone policy", tell you all is well and lecture you on being fat and then bill OHIP...brilliant I say!
Let me know whats going on. :o)
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