50 is just a number after all.....isn't it?

I am quickly approaching my 50th birthday.  To be honest, until this last year I never really gave much thought to what it would feel like to be 50 years old.

I know it's considered a special birthday because my children are quietly planning some kind of celebration that includes people outside of the family and this has never happened before.  Our birthdays generally are celebrated with our much loved family in the form of the birthday person's favorite meal and modest gifts. 

Another reason I know it's a special one is because I got an extra special card this year in the mail from my Mom and Dad.  Enclosed in it was a very lovely 2 page letter that actually brought tears to my eyes.  There on those two pages were words that made my heart swell.  This letter reminded me that I will always be a little girl that needs and loves to hear how proud her parents are of her for her accomplishments.  That letter did that for me... it was pretty extensive in things that I could be proud of!  Things like my beautiful daughters and how well they have turned out (I had a part in that), in my wonderful loving husband that is truly my soulmate (he wouldn't admit it....but us being together..that was all my doing as well!), my grandson (I didn't really have anything to do with him except having his mom but he's so cute...we'll call him my achievement!) my successes in my work (all me!) and my friends (I can't take all the credit here cause some of them chose me!)   Put on paper it all reads like a really nice epitaph! LOL! 

So here, 6 days before my 50th birthday and hopefully continued into the future,  I have chosen to share with the world my hopes and fears for my future as a 1/2 centurian.   I want to reinforce in my life things like the importance of absorbing and treasuring moments in life, to be grateful for mistakes and flops because I think they often teach us more than our successes, to always share more, do more and love more. I will use this format to share my stories knowing that maybe nobody will read them and I'm okay with that!

So here is the first fear!!

I have a big fear that I will wake up next Tueday with 50 Penquins or some such thing on my front snowy yard and everyone in the neighbourhood will know the truth...that I am getting old.  I know...nobody really cares..... because nobody gets younger, getting old is in fact a fate that is shared by all!

Enough about fears...

It's thought that women in their 50's tend to be more confident and less concerned about what others think about them.  I hope that is true.  I could use some confidence. My hope will be that I always feel younger on the inside then I look on the outside.  Don't get me wrong...I also wish that I will always look younger on the outside than my birth certificate says I am!  Really though, I'm just saying... I hope I keep a firm spirit of integrity and work on growing the gift of forgiving.  I hope I always remember how to laugh and keep a sense of adventure and joy in living, even when things get hard. And above all, I pray that I never stray from the direction of doing good, and that I remember to swallow my pride and forgive, and finally that I always remember that a life without gratitude is an empty one.

50 is just a number....a pretty good number I think!