Hurting the ones we truly do care about

In one of my posts (accidentally deleted this morning when trying to moderate comments) I rambled on about my wedding experience and the wedding that I was participating in. I used one post to express my feelings on the frustrations that I felt during my wedding preparation and the current frustrations that I was experiencing with participating in the one that I was going to participate in.

Despite all of the frustrations, I realized what the friendship actually meant to me and although late in the game, I got into the spirit of the occasion and I think I truly did my best to be supportive and help make the day a decent one.

I never should have accepted the request to participate as Matron of Honour to my friend. I had very deep feelings of hurt and resentment left from my wedding 8 years ago. Without having the guts to say something to her face way back then, I had kept all of those feelings locked inside of me for a long time and looking back I was less than accommodating during the planning of my friends wedding.

I hurt her deeply in expressing my feelings on my blog, when I posted of the frustrations and without a doubt she saw things differently where my wedding was concerned.

I attach for all to read today....her comments on that particular post. Some of the people that were involved in my wedding preparations and were there to support me through that time will not agree with Christine's view on this.

But for the hurt that I have caused Christine, I publish this and publically apologize for any hurt that I have caused. I understand if you never want to speak to me again. I will accept that and will let you know that I will not attempt to contact you.

There are two sides to every story. I read your comments the night before I left for my honeymoon and I could not sleep for the pain and nausea I felt at this betrayal of our friendship. As well, I spent most of that week and this fretting and worrying about your not-so-private musings.

You've stated that I caused you nothing but grief for your wedding, making dress selection difficut. You did forget to mention that you were a total dress Nazi making my life hell the entire time. My only request was that I could wear a dress that was easily shortened later. You insisted on choosing a dress that went far beyond anything that I could reasonably afford at that time and was also not approptriate for altering after the fact. I kept silent at the time (without griping to others) because I thought that is what friends do. I'm not certain how I made fittings difficult for you. I made the appointments, and with one exception due to a last minute work commitment, went to them.

I was determined that I would not cause you the stress for selecting a dress that you caused me and so let you know that any outfit you thought appropriate would be more than acceptable. You didn't receive any input because you went shopping on your own and presented what you had already purchased to me after the fact. When you called and said, 'I'm going shopping tonight', I responded, 'Sounds fine, call me when you're ready and I'll come with you'. It was your decision to go without me and not allow me any input. You are right. I did think your suit was a little dark, but it brightened up considerably with your choice of camisole and matching shoes. I thought you looked great and you chose something that you liked, would wear again, and was within your budget. How did this cause you grief?

You seem to have forgotten that when you were planning your wedding that I; Went with you to look at halls and examine menus, I went to bridal shops with you, I spent the day at a bridal show with you, Spent time helping to send out invitations, Spent time assisting with the seating plan, Was available for all telephone conversations and ready and willing at all times to pitch in whereever and whenever required. I tried to share and not intrude as you had your mother and two willing teenage daughters ready and able to help.

I asked you to come with me to my dress fitting because I wanted the company. However, you made it more than apparant at the time that it was an imposition.

Thank you for letting me know the name and telephone number of the woman who made our cake. It really was delicious. I was going to order one from a bakery when you suggested someome of your acquaintance. Though I did have to ask you five times for her phone number.

It was nice of you to pick up hair ornaments for me. I did ask your opinion of what I might use and you went ahead and got something. Again, I never thought giving your opinion would be something you resented.

I also asked if you had any reccomendations for someone for hair and makeup. The woman I used to use for special occasions is in Burlington where I lived previously and I thought that was too far to travel on a day with time restrictions. Your friend, Jen, did a very nice job on my hair as well as yours.

I was very happy when you volunteered to prepare and print the programs. I don't have access to a printer and as I worked until two days before the wedding was going to forgo having a program. I do feel that they are a nice touch for the guests and a great keepsake as well.

It was also great that you volunteered to prepare the place settings. Bryan was happy as that was on his agenda of things to do.

Thank you for the manicure and pedicure. When you informed me that you had done this I was uncertain as to when it could fit into the schedule. As you know I went on Thursday, after I prepared the food for the rehearsal dinner and before the the dress rehearsal at the church.

The ordering of flowers was a last minute enterprise and a surprise for me as well as you. My boss's wife told me she wanted to take care of the flowers and it wasn't until the last minute that I discovered she had not made arrangements.

You're right when you wrote I didn't want a shower. I think they are silly and a gift grab. You are also right that I don't have many friends. Many acquaintances, but I prefer to be choosey about who I care for.
You are mistaken that I didn't want any pre-wedding party. A small backyard barbecue might have been fun. If you recall, we threw one for you and Rob and I provided and prepared all the food for it. You informed me that I didn't want a party. You called me up and said,'I don't have to do anything stupid like a shower or party, do I?. You didn't leave me much choice but to say no.

In your comments you somehow make it sound that we are such horrible people that the best man had to back out. You neglect to mention that we discovered he had been stealing from us and losing what he had thought was a good friend of twenty years has caused Bryan a great deal of pain and distress.

I don't think that after this you will have to worry about my annoying you with phone calls.

It has been very painful for me to realize that our friendship was such a strain on you. Though we have not been in constant contact over the past few years, I never thought it was necessary when two people cared. I always imagined us as two little old ladies toasting what had gone before and reliving the joys and pitfalls of our lives. I guess this shows that friendship is like any relationship and requires work and effort.

I feel humiliated that you would publish your thoughts about me on the web. Tell me if you're angry, tell me if you're upset, but don't let me discover what you've told others in such a backhanded fashion.

I've never posted a comment on a blog before so I assume that this will be archived. If and when you read this, I ask that you don't delete it and tell those who read your original comments that there is two sides to every story and direct them to my comments.

By the way, this girl has a name and it's Christine.

For this Christine, if you ever come back to read, I apologize publically for hurting your feelings. I will stand to this day and say that you definitely had things going on in your life at that time that I think distort your memories of my wedding and the plans. This I know because...well, I have people that can confirm various things that happened. Those things I will not publish because they are about you and your life....my blog is used to vent and express my life happenings and feelings. I will continue to voice my opinions and feelings.

My only regret in this whole thing is that the "friendship" was not real enough for me to actually tell you how I felt in person and that I have spent many years feeling bitter and angry about that time in my life when you placed bets on how long my marriage to Rob would last at the bar...yes, I heard about it...in fact I think you owe some people some money! Hurt is a two way street!